Society’s safety net

It’s been a tough few weeks for families in Australia.

The news has been filled with heart-breaking stories of young lives blighted and even cut short, and while I’m sorry to sound gloomy, these reports have left me with a heavy heart.

In New South Wales, five children died in what appeared to be extreme cases of domestic distress and we’ve been shocked by police statistics evidencing a crime wave amongst kids still at primary school. In Adelaide, up to 21 neglected children were crammed into one house and in the nation’s capital Canberra, four children were found living in squalor and taken into care.

These are the sensational stories that fill the pages of our newspapers, but they reflect a segment of society where people are lonely, hurting and crying out for help – their desperation hidden behind closed doors.

But amidst the doom and gloom, an email landed in my inbox, bringing a ray of hope. The author spoke about community, urging me to see that in the grand plan of the universe, community was always intended to be the safety net. Society’s way of catching us when we fall, comforting us when we hurt, celebrating our joys and sharing in our grief. As we have retreated further and further behind our front doors, counsellors and psychologists have become our shoulders to cry on, where once we might have relied on a friend or neighbour.

The words in the email struck a chord. We need to sow into our communities and cultivate good relationships not only so that we can be there for others, but so that they can also be there in our tough times.

Over the years, dozens of news stories depicting tragic circumstances have drawn my attention. When some terrible event has hit a community, it’s common practice for newspaper reporters to knock on neighbours’ doors gathering information about the victims. Who were they, what were they like, what did they do? Too often, those neighbours will say: “We didn’t know them. They kept themselves to themselves.”

Let’s make an effort to never be people who keep ourselves to ourselves.

Deborah

Easy entertaining

I love having people over, my hubby does too, but he doesn't like to do ANY preparation or cleaning up! He would rather meet people for a meal out, or go to their house.

Now in his defence, I should say that this is because we are in a tiny little, albeit very lovely, home at the moment and he thinks it's impractical. Fair enough. But rather than being social hermits, I like to keep things simple and easy with a minimum of fuss while still being able to make guests feel special.

For pizza nights that are simple and easy, I usually make my own but if I'd rather be chatting to friends when they're here, I sometimes get good takeaway and make a big salad, with some french sticks in the oven with crushed garlic and butter (yummm) and a few bottles of cheap, organic Italian wine (favourite!). Because there's not much room, kids have a picnic on the floor and adults squash around the candlelit table and enjoy. Really easy and no pressure but great.

Last time we did this we had a box of Magnum minis and some mini gelato cups which we ate with coffee and it was perfect! Minimal cleaning and big fun. Great music playing or letting the kids and adults go nuts on the Wii is also very entertaining!

I also love having people for afternoon tea. I have a fave lemon cake (see recipe below) which is dead easy and I get out the white tablecloth and matching coffee cups (I do have a little OCD!). This can be so easy with a bunch of flowers in the middle and it's beautiful and special. A little bit of effort goes a long way. The plunger instead of instant, a pot instead of bags, homemade instead of bought, although bakery bought always looks good! Your personal touch and creativity makes people feel welcome and it doesn't have to be a big deal or stress out husbands.

Enjoy!
Lv Jane

Fave lemon cake

Ingredients

2 1/4 cups almond meal
3/4 cup caster sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
Grated rind of 1 lemon
1/2 cup yoghurt
4 eggs
1/2 cup sifted plain flour
2 tsp baking powder

Lemon syrup
Juice of 2 lemons
1/3 cup caster sugar
Grated rind of 1 lemon

Cooking instructions

Preheat oven to 180 and line base and sides of a 22cm cake pan with baking paper.
Beat eggs and sugar with an electric beater until pale.
Add yoghurt, oil and rind and beat well.
Fold in almond meal, flour and baking powder.
Pour into prepared pan and bake for 35-40 mins, until a skewer inserted comes out clean.
Turn out onto a platter.

To make the syrup, combine ingredients in a saucepan with a few spoons of water and stir on a low heat, until sugar dissolves.
Increase heat and bring to the boil.
Simmer until syrupy and pour over hot cake.

Love Thy Neighbour

As most of you know by now, our family recently moved to Wolseley in Saskatchewan, and we are enjoying our time here. I know that the experience of these months in Canada will travel with us for a lifetime.

Being an avid participant in and observer of life, plus someone who is passionate about building community and bringing people together, I’ve found the last few weeks to be extremely interesting. Upon our arrival in town, and having just unpacked our suitcases and belongings, I was more than happy to find a friendly face carrying two loaves of freshly baked bread, home-made jam and a warm welcome at my front door. Lori Perra, someone I have come to know and greatly enjoy, extended this welcome. Lori has a smile that can light up any room and a kindness of heart that is refreshing in this big old world.

Following our welcome from Lori, I found myself with my mother on the front lawn of one of our neighbours, Mrs Christianson. We were discussing spring days and the excitement of another Saskatchewan summer. During our conversation, this lovely 92-year-old woman welcomed us to Wolseley and upon learning of our three children quickly offered her babysitting services. I smiled and thanked her and thought how kind she was and how she remains ever ready to extend herself to another generation through kindness and generosity and good old neighbourly love.

A couple of days later, I again found myself answering the front door and another neighbour, Ruth Banbury, was there with a smile and freshly baked treats for our family to enjoy. Again, another warm welcome into the community.

Recently, I did some study and research on communities in North America and how they have changed and developed over the years. Interestingly enough, I found that in the 50s the front lawn and street in front of the homes was where life happened. Neighbours talked and shared in each other’s lives. As the years progressed, change slipped in and before long the backyard became our place of refuge. Decks were built off the back of the homes, fences went up around properties creating barriers and privacy, our front lawns and streets which were once home to activity became quiet passageways backed by front windows with drawn curtains. Sadly, the neighbourhood experience began to drain.

I believe we are coming back to that place of sharing and caring. We’ve discovered that we haven’t been designed to live this life alone rather we are placed in our communities to be part of something bigger than our own little families and ourselves. So thank you Lori, Mrs Christiansen, Mrs Banbury and others who have warmly welcomed us to this neighbourhood, thank you for setting excellent examples to be followed. Thank you for sharing the truth of loving thy neighbour.

This week and going forward why don’t we all extend ourselves just a little further and be the change we want to see in our neighbourhoods, our communities and in this world.

Susan

Revisiting the Past

The other night hubby was working late, it was 5pm and I had nothing thought out for dinner. The natives (my children) were getting restless, their tummies were rumbling and the clock was ticking. I must have opened the fridge and cupboard doors five or six times looking aimlessly at the contents of each. I felt like I finally understood Mother Hubbard’s dilemma.

Finally, like a lightening bolt, inspiration hit and I was on a mission. I remembered the Salmon Casserole, from my childhood, I had cooked years ago that sadly never became a family favourite. I thought it a perfect opportunity to revisit this recipe and perhaps save the night. Much to my surprise when my three children discovered what we were having for dinner they all sang out, “Yay, we haven’t had this for years. We love this salmon casserole. Mum why haven’t you made it for us?”

The anticipation for dinner was extraordinary. I didn’t realise that this was something they liked. I guess when I made it they were all too little to really tell me how much they enjoyed it. Once dinner hit the table it was gobbled up and the discussion surrounded the casserole and how it definitely fell on the ‘family favourite’ list. That being said it is a recipe that must be shared through thefamilyroom. It is now, and I guess always was, tried and true, it’s extremely healthy and budget conscious and best of all you can make it your own.

Salmon Casserole (or Tuna whatever your preference)

Preheat Oven: 350 (Gas 175)
Cooking Time: 1 hour (there abouts)
Pan Size: Medium Casserole
Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:
2 cups cooked salmon (tuna) or 14 oz tin, drained
2 cups coarse bread crumbs (I use whole wheat or whole wheat crackers – whatever you have available will work)
2 T finely chopped onions (I’m a little more generous here)
2 T chopped green or red pepper or both
½ tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
2 eggs
¼ cup milk
2 T ketchup (approx. maybe a squeeze more)

Method:
Mix together lightly the first six ingredients. Beat eggs slightly and stir in milk and ketchup; add to salmon mixture and mix lightly. Turn into baking dish and bake.

** You can easily make this recipe your own by adding other vegetables to it. It’s a great healthy alternative that tastes great. I serve it with a side salad and a vegetable; let the kids add a little extra squeeze of ketchup and dinner is served.

Enjoy!
Susan

The Message of Your Life

Today we welcome back our special guest writer Philip Sohn. His inspiration for this blog comes from Randy Pausch, the university professor and best-selling author who achieved worldwide fame for his “Last lecture” speech. After being diagnosed with terminal cancer, Randy gave the speech, entitled “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” in September 2007. It immediately became an internet hit and was viewed more than one million times in the first month. Soon after, Randy appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and recapped his speech for millions of TV viewers.

Over to Philip ....

Many of you will have heard from Randy Pausch. I must have been living in a cave when all that broke, on YouTube, Oprah etc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Well check it out yourself......

A good many years ago I did a branding project for a company. For it, I interviewed key management and one of the questions was:

If you had 5 minutes, in a stadium of 100,000, and with 5 billion watching on TV, what would you say/do? What would be your message?

Randy Pausch had over an hour to give his last lecture. And the power of YouTube and Oprah to boot.

Most of us will not have such an audience to tell our message … but we have our LIFETIME to live it.

What is your message? Are you living it? What a very challenging question.

To be super honest, right now, I don't really think I'm living it … I'm not even sure I know it, in detail enough to frame it and express it to you.

Let's learn our message. Live our message. I'm sure it's bigger than how you are living now.

Philip

Challenging Chores

Chores and children can be a challenging combination in our household.

Too often lately a simple request to set the table for dinner or grab a cloth and wipe the dishes has been greeted by a pout Paris Hilton would be proud of and the task itself has been executed with the dramatic tension of a Hollywood thriller.

Basically, I’ve let things slide. I haven’t been firm enough in making sure the kids know they are part of a team where everyone chips in to keep the wheels turning smoothly.

Recently, two people in my life brought me to my senses. Don’t get me wrong, they didn’t say anything – it was just through their words and actions I came to realise that my own kids could maybe show a bit more enthusiasm for domestic duties.

One was a colleague. Our formative years in similar English societies are a frequent topic of office conversation. He was raised in a family of seven children where everyone helped out – and probably kept mum sane in the process! Saturday mornings were a frenzy of activity as each child threw themselves into their allotted task, scrubbing, sweeping and dusting the house to gleaming perfection.

The second champion of the chores was my 22-year-old niece. During a recent four-week stay she turned out to be the dream house guest, leaping to assist each time anyone washed a dish or peeled a potato. Twice I came home from work to find she had conquered the four mountainous baskets of ironing which had been growing out of control in the laundry. My sister must have taught her well.

Now, I’m not a slave driver and I want our home to be a haven not a workhouse, but I do expect the kids to do their bit. Bedrooms need to be kept clean and tidy not decorated with discarded clothes, and when weeds are threatening to engulf the garden, I do need some help in taming the wilderness.

So we’ve rung the changes recently. Everyone’s getting cheerfully stuck into the chores and long faces are not allowed. When we’re done, there’s more time for everyone to have fun. And, fingers crossed, it’s working. The other day, my youngest set the table without being asked and when I started the dishes, she was right there by my side. Just this morning, I heard my eldest son ask everyone to clear their breakfast stuff away before rushing out of the room.

I hope it lasts!
Deborah

Intuition – Are You Listening?

Intuition (in•tu•i•tion), n. direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension.

That’s the dictionary definition of intuition. We’ve all experienced it, we’ve all acted on it and most of us have, at times, sadly ignored it.

Personally, I consider intuition to be the God whisper. It is a knowing that must come from somewhere. At times it can stop you in your tracks and you just know that you know something. I truly believe warnings, perception of truth and fact must come from a higher place that our ‘gut’.

Like you, I have been aware and have experienced intuition my entire life. I remember as a child a certain knowing that something wasn’t just right. As a young adult making wrong choices and feeling intuition step in. I know I have been saved from countless situations because I listened and acted. I also know that there are situations I could have been saved from if I had only listened. One such instance happened when my eldest daughter was three years old. I was leaving for work one morning and as I walked out the front door it hit me. This knowing that I needed to tell the babysitter not to take her horse riding that day. I shrugged my shoulders and thought how silly, she never goes horse riding with the babysitter. All day I sat at work and the same message kept plaguing my mind, again and again I ignored that perception of truth and fact – the God whisper. At 3pm that afternoon I answered my phone at work, only to hear the panicked voice of my babysitter. She had taken my daughter on an adventure ... to see her sister’s horse. They put my daughter on the horse; the horse spooked and fell directly on my three-year-old. She was rushed to emergency, falling in and out of consciousness. Thankfully, all the tests showed there was nothing wrong, however strangely enough she was unable to walk. It was three weeks, multiple tests and much prayer before she took another step and eventually walked again. Intuition – the direct perception of truth, fact, independent of any reasoning process. Definitely something worth listening to.

Just the other day, my mum and I were working at home, the kids ran in from outside asking if they could go to the park. They desperately wanted to take my three-year-old. Intuition struck and I stopped in my tracks. I just knew that I knew something. My mum heard me telling the children that they could go and that our three-year-old was allowed to go with them, however I gave strict instructions of what she could and couldn’t play on or do at the park (the children questioned what in fact she could go on since my list was so long). I told them to be careful and I reminded my eldest that I needed her to be extremely attentive to her little sister. She knew exactly what I meant because I’ve explained this knowing in the past.

About 20 minutes after their departure my mum and I heard the call, “Auntie Susan, Auntie Susan, Ella’s head’s bleeding.” At the first Auntie Susan, I knew. According to all credible witnesses the seesaw had come crashing down on her head and something went through the skin creating a ‘hole in her head’. We took her to the hospital, got her glued up and she is good as new. Thankfully the accident was minor.

Who knows what was ahead of her that day. Who knows if the accident could have been greater? All I know is that I chose to stop and listen when I felt that immediate apprehension. I encourage you to listen, to be wise and to allow that knowing within you to guide you when it stands up and commands your attention. We have been given intuition as an internal guide and usually in terms of our safety.

Parents of seniors graduating this year…listen.

Parents of young children….listen.

Parents of children any age….listen.

Individuals…. listen.

Let’s all allow this internal guide to assist us as we walk through life.

Susan

Free-range kids

If you follow the news, you might have read the report about the American mum who has the nation in an uproar after allowing her nine-year-old son to ride solo on the New York subway and find his way home alone.

The story goes that Lenore Skenazy’s son Isaac pleaded for permission to go somewhere new and make his own way back. Eventually, his parents gave in to his requests and dropped him off with a map and $20 at a Manhattan department store a few kilometres from home. He travelled three stops on the subway and six stops on the bus, successfully getting back to his own front door.

Ms Skenazy, a columnist for the New York Sun, wrote an article about her son’s expedition but received such a backlash from members of the public that she was dubbed “America’s worst mum” by the media.

Reports in the US press said that she was berated by talk show viewers who claimed she had exposed her son to danger.

Ms Skenazy has now launched her own blog called freerangekids.com, where she discusses the topic of over-protective parenting. Through the site, she has received hundreds of supportive emails, and news sites in Australia debating the story have also seen plenty of positive feedback.

It seems Ms Skenazy has opened a massive can of worms with her experiment and subsequent article, but what are the rights and wrongs in this situation? What age is the right age for giving our youngsters greater freedom?

As children, many of us experienced the kind of freedom that today’s youngsters can only dream of and we generally escaped unscathed. As parents, we want to ease our children into independence but we are haunted by the possibility that it could all go horribly wrong if they find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I don’t know if our fears are grounded in reality or distorted by sensational media reports. Either way, I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Coincidentally, we recently allowed our 13-year-old son to catch the train alone in suburban Sydney. He travelled two stops and then walked 30 minutes home. He seems to have grown from the experience, although 13 is very different from 9.

Ultimately it comes down to the maturity, physical size and age of the individual child.

So what’s the answer? Are we being over-protective parents when we chauffeur our children everywhere or are we responsibly guaranteeing their safety?

I’d love to hear your feedback.

Deborah

Teeth, Teeth, Glorious Teeth

The other week, my 13-year-old niece Brianna had a sore tooth. I asked if I could have a look and to my amazement she had a massive cavity in her back tooth.

Brianna’s mum, my twin sister, is doing it tough right now. She has four children, aged 20, 13, 12 and 10, and is fighting breast cancer. Her marriage dissolved just before she was diagnosed about five years ago.

My kids, who are 13, 11 and 9, are close to their cousins but live very different lives. I suppose they just haven’t had to go through so many trials in their short lives. It’s very sad for me to see as I love my sister’s children dearly.
Brianna hasn’t visited a dentist since she was four, which isn’t uncommon in some families as it’s not always something people can afford. My husband and I made a decision to take our kids to the dentist regularly, every six months, which I believe teaches them to look after their teeth themselves later in life.

As parents, we have the job of training up our kids for their adult lives. Teaching them general hygiene is just one of those jobs. This doesn’t guarantee you won’t get holes in your teeth, but we need to try to prevent it from happening if possible.
My sister rang the local dentist, who sees patients through the Government’s Medicare scheme, but she couldn’t get an appointment for weeks as the waiting lists were long.

My husband and I decided that we would take Brianna to our dentist because she was in such intense pain and we didn’t want the hole to get any bigger, or worse still risk the possibility of a more invasive and painful dental procedure. So I booked the appointment and off we went. The dentist was very caring as Brianna was very nervous.

I’m telling this story to help other parents teach their kids to be diligent in cleaning their teeth. We only get one final set and I know that sometimes even though we tell our kids to clean their teeth they still don’t. Hang in there and they will thank you later in life!

Teaching our kids is so important. We don’t always get it right, but we are the main influence in their lives and they watch our every move.

I may be talking specifically about teeth today, but teaching our kids to shower and instilling general hygiene is vital. Don’t go nuts if they forget to clean their teeth for one day, but do be like a broken record and drill it into them. Be consistent. Make sure they clean their teeth at least once a day, even if they hate it, there’ll be less chance for those cavities to form.

Brianna is going great guns now and has a new challenge in her young life. She has learned that her teeth are precious and that she must brush them regularly and look after them if she wants to keep them for the rest of her life.

Belinda xx

Know Thyself

I discovered an old journal the other day in which I found a list.

The list contained all of my positive attributes and it was written by yours truly. I had been reading a book at the time that encouraged the recording of ones strengths. I recall it being quite a challenging exercise.

We live in a society where to think too highly of ones self is considered egocentric. In fact to know yourself and see yourself in a positive light actually frees you from being self-focused.

We generally are so caught up in what is “wrong” with us we can’t see those around us who would benefit from what is right with us.

I encourage you to take pen in hand and write down the characteristics you have been blessed with. Include physical, personality traits, talents and gifts. It may be a warm smile or you are good with money. Maybe you are a great listener and cook a mean lasagna.

Aim for twenty, this really makes you look past the obvious and delve into areas you may never have even considered. Have fun and if you like ask friends and family to help. It’s nice to have a list like this for days when you need a little reminder!

Annie

Speaking Fluent Internet ...

A while ago, a particular phone conversation with my mum was a ‘challenge’. After fruitless explanations over the phone, I drove around to my mum’s house to sit with her at their PC to teach her how to attach a Word document to an email. After silently asking myself why on earth they have a computer in the first place, the exercise was a success. My mum can now type and send letters via email to her heart’s content.

Driving home I realised how much I could teach my mum when it was only in my late teens that I actually learned to use a computer. Yes, I now have 20 years of computer experience under my belt, yet to me it feels like a new language that I studied as an adult. I still don’t have the right accent, I can’t necessarily determine different dialects and I can’t talk as fast as a native. Natives, of course, being those who were taught from infancy. This is the case with my daughter.

With computers being an integral part of learning, as much as English and maths, it’s hard not to feel like you are always lagging sluggishly behind the natives. That’s how my mother felt today and that’s how I sometimes feel when my daughter spouts ‘computer speak’ that I never learned in school (but of course she doesn’t know that!).

Susan wrote a very good blog titled Zero Tolerance in May last year. As she says, it is essential to know and understand the culture that our children are growing up in. Like the language barrier in a new country, with computer literacy you can often miss verbal transactions if you’re not fluent or at least one step ahead, especially when the internet is thrown into the mix. A parent’s primary role is to love, feed and shelter absolutely, but it is also to lead. If we do not understand what they are learning or the pace at which they are learning, how can we lead and guide them smartly and safely through the internet labyrinth.

Have a read of Susan’s blog Zero Tolerance and polish up on your computer skills. Yes, I know, I can hear you groaning, but a little hard stretch now can save you a big snap later.

Michaela

Outside the comfort zone

In a remote Indonesian village lives a man named Dede whose hands and feet have grown to resemble tree roots.

A rare skin disease causes them to appear tough and woody like the gnarled bark of a weathered trunk, and they have stretched to the size of dinner plates, twisting and splitting as they go. As hands and feet, they are unrecognisable.

The growths started after Dede cut himself in the jungle when he was 15 years old. Now in his thirties, he bears the daily burden of his deformity and the growths, which are caused by a wart virus, are spreading rapidly up his arms and legs, across his body and all over his face.

Dede’s wife left him and their two teenage children long ago and without a chance of real employment he finds work as a circus attraction, travelling with five others whose lives have been blighted by disfigurement.

Word of Dede’s plight reaches a doctor in America who travels across the world to examine him. He discovers Dede has a rare immune deficiency which allows the warts to grow out of control. But for the first time there is a glimmer of hope. He can treat the immunity condition and most of Dede’s warts will miraculously disappear. Dede will be able to work again and lead a normal life with his children.

But Dede astounds the doctor by refusing treatment. He chooses to stay with the travelling circus. The tried and trusted. The familiar. He turns his back on the lifeline he has been thrown.

For most of us, Dede’s choice is inconceivable. Who knows whether culture, superstition or financial incentives have driven his decision. Or is it just maybe that Dede has grown accustomed to his plight. His disease, however debilitating, is familiar. Stepping outside of the comfort zone is too risky, too dangerous.

Like Dede we all have our comfort zones. Areas in our lives that we feel safe with and even endure because we know that to step beyond them would be challenging, scary even.

I look at my own life and instantly see many comfort zones. Others might not recognise them as such, but I know they are self-imposed limits or boundaries.

Maybe it’s time to step outside. As the saying goes:

The best discoveries are made outside your comfort zone!

Deborah

A Hug A Day …

I heard on the radio yesterday that parents are getting so busy with “life” they are neglecting some of the basic needs of their children. Hugging them was one of the needs mentioned.

It made me stop and think about how much I hug my kids. Of the three, I hug the five-year-old the most. He’s very cute and I love to hug him. My nine-year-old daughter loves a cuddle and she always gets a big hug when I see her in the morning. My 12-year-old son, however, definitely misses out.

When I examine the reasons for this, nothing jumps out at me, but what I do know is that he needs to be hugged. The research shows that hugging is imperative for a child’s physical, emotional and social development.

Scientists have discovered that hugging releases endorphins into our bodies – the happy hormones that boost our sense of well-being. In fact, hugging is so important there are even hug therapy courses you can take to help in the treatment of pain, depression and anxiety.

If you are a hugger, I applaud you. It comes more naturally for some of us than others. If, like me, you see a deficit in this area of your parenting, I encourage you to hug your children at least once every day and see what unfolds!

Annie

Love Thy Neighbour

My husband and I are currently renting a house in a community that has many young couples/people/families in it. During the school year there are many parties to be had on our street, and during the summer months we're realizing there are far fewer vehicles parked along there.

We've been living in this area for seven months; we started in the basement suite of the house we're now in, and moved upstairs early this year when the opportunity arose. Our neighbours on both sides are fairly young. On one side there are renters as well, both upstairs and downstairs, most of whom we believe to be uni/college students because we don't see too much of them since school's finished up. On the other side is a young couple who are both working and currently five months pregnant! We're friendly with our neighbours on both sides, but don't really have a real relationship with them.

On Sunday, my husband and I were out for most of the day, starting with church in the morning, lunch with the family, and then a bit of time spent with my sister-in-law. When we arrived home in the later afternoon we found our front lawn to be freshly mowed (yum, I love the smell of fresh cut grass!). But who would have mowed our lawn?

My husband's brother headed over to grandma's after lunch to mow her lawn, perhaps he decided to come over to our place afterwards and mow ours as well? Possible, but not likely since we live on the opposite side of town to grandma.
Our neighbour’s lawn was freshly mowed as well ... could it be he?

Sure enough it was.

How's that for loving thy neighbour??? We often quote the "Golden Rule" and are quick to tell others to "love thy neighbor as thyself", but how often do WE actually follow through with what's coming from our mouths?

Our neighbour Mike, who we hardly know, put these phrases into action as he mowed our lawn. Now, we don't have a huge lawn so it wasn't like it was an incredibly straining task for him, yet he still went out of his way to be great neighbour. What an example of what true community should be. Though the relationship maybe isn't there, he showed common ownership, something I think the average person generally overlooks.

We often define community by the relationships we have with one another, but community can also be defined as "a group of people living together in one place, esp.one practising common ownership". I think it's about time we started building community, but not just in and around our close relationships, let’s start building good communities around common ownership; around "loving thy neighbour".

Happy community building.

~cj

How Green Is Your Trolley

With obesity and obesity related diseases at an all time high and sadly continuing to increase at a rapid rate I decided to re visit an article I wrote for the blog spot on October 30th, 2006.

I first began to think about this article when I was out doing my groceries and was accompanied by a friend. As we walked the isles of the supermarket my girlfriend and I had a funny conversation, she was telling me how she felt proud weaving through the crowded isles with me because my shopping trolley/cart looked so healthy. It was full of fruits and vegetables and wise product choices rather than being loaded down with processed foods, colourful cardboard boxes of prepared dinners, pop, chips and other empty calories.

As we continued gathering everything that was on my list our conversation about the shopping trolley/cart continued. While we spoke I began to notice the other trolleys and began to see what she was seeing. The majority of carts were full of colourful boxes designed to entice our children, clever marketing companies are being paid good money to catch our children at an early age and good old ‘pester power’ takes over (children nagging mum to please buy that sugar coated cereal with marshmallows and a toy), prepared meals that are ready in the microwave in only 60 seconds and promise to make our busy lives easier whilst providing all the necessary dietary need. Then of course there’s the white bread that is whiter than new snow with bold letters screaming out HIGH FIBRE (if only I believed it!). As I processed what I was seeing I was thinking to myself, “no wonder we are experiencing a health crisis relating to obesity, we aren’t caring enough about what we are using to fuel our bodies.” To complete my research during this shopping excursion I almost fell over when I witnessed a fellow shopper, whom I had been observing throughout our conversation, pick up a can of cat food and carefully check the label. I’m sure she just wanted to make sure ‘whiskers’ was getting the right quantities in her little diet however what I found fascinating was that without even a second glance she had
(earlier) thrown in a few boxes of fruit roll ups, diet soda and lucky charms cereal plus other stuff for her family. I think we may have it wrong when the cat is eating better than the children and ourselves….. that’s just my thinking.

I say all of this to encourage you to consider your shopping even more than you do now. Read labels and know what you are putting into your body and those in your care. A good rule of thumb is, if it has more than 5 ingredients it probably needs additional 5-7 ingredients to keep it alive on the shelf for longer than it should be. Also, if you need a bio-chemical degree to even try and understand what it is you’re eating again a good indicator that the product probably isn’t the best for anyone. Personally I think if I can’t pronounce it it isn’t worth ingesting.

So friends fill your trolley with good choices, visit the produce isle and be adventurous, there are so many amazing things that are now available to all of us. Walk with confidence through your favourite supermarket knowing that you are doing the best for your family and yourself by making sure your trolley/cart is vibrant and full of goodness. As always feel free to click through our archives to find great tried and true familyroom recipes that everyone will enjoy.

Now I ask, “How Green Will Your Trolley Be This Week”?

Susan J Sohn

Sleep, sleep, sleep.......anyone interested?

I have had a desire to write a blog about this subject for ages. I have a 13-year-old son called Jacob, who finds it very difficult to go to sleep at night. I have tried many different things to help him, just to name a few I’ve tried oils on his pillow, oils in the shower, drops on his tongue made from Bach flowers plus more….

The other day I was reading an article written by one of our teachers at school. The article said that in a recent sleep study conducted on young people more than 40 percent of students are said to be chronically sleep deprived. In addition, there are now links being drawn between attention deficit disorders and sleep deprivation. The current thought (which actually isn’t current at all, we’ve known this for ages but have chosen to ignore this fact) is that younger children need around ten hours sleep each night while teens need around eight to ten hours of comfortable sleep.

It is recommended that a bedtime routine is useful in establishing regular sleep patterns. We have done this with Jacob and have seen results. I think the routine and the ‘winding down’ help considerably. This is where consistency plays a big role and we all know how important consistency is in parenting.

Things we include in our routine are:
Prayer – praying about the day that is now over and the day ahead.
Reading – there is nothing more soothing for a child than the quiet lull of a parents voice reading a calming story. Action type books or high intensity isn’t what you’re looking for here, rather a relaxing type of book.
Shower or Bath – we all know that a shower or a bath and clean jammies and bed linen help all of us sleep better. Do whatever you can to make sure the bedroom is comfortable and relaxing.

Another thing the article pointed out was that children or young people SHOULD NOT have access to mobile phones, computers or televisions in their bedrooms (a familyroom message for sure!). Not only will this keep them awake and disrupt their sleep it is also very unwise to give anyone unlimited, unsupervised access to these communication tools. Leaving these out of the bedroom helps with the ‘unwinding’ and gives space and time to calm down encouraging proper rest. You may find that you will need to teach your child to unwind. Many children and young people these days are juggling schedules that are beyond their years. They may need your help to learn how to be still and allow themselves to be calm, body, soul and spirit.

In this day and age being still and calming down isn’t something young people associate with, they are used to highly charged video games, energy drinks, text messaging at the speed of light and carrying on 4-5 online conversations at one time whilst doing their homework. Times have changed so much it is our responsibility as parents to learn how to help and teach our children to calm down, it won’t come naturally to them in this electronic, moment by moment world.

There are pressures put on our children that we didn’t grow up with. Gone are the days of getting up in the morning, putting on whatever clothing is close enough and semi clean looking and learning how to ride bikes with no arms. Today our children are taking tests to get into schools, calling each other to find out how to get to the next level on a computer game, watching their computer screens to see who’s speaking to who and what’s happening online rather than outside their front door. It truly is a new day and a time when our children are preparing for jobs and occupations that don’t even exist right now. We can’t even visualise the future that they will live in.

With that in mind I believe strongly that we need to put tools in their hands and we need to teach them to rest and to find peace in a crazy world. We need to establish strong sleep patterns for them, which helps brain development and contributes greatly to strong healthy bodies, souls and spirits.

We certainly haven’t got it right but we are trying really hard to instil this skill and so many more into our children. If you have any ideas and suggestions that will help those of us who have children who haven’t learned the art of sleeping yet please share ~ after all that’s what thefamilyroom is about. Lastly, Jacob fell asleep on time last night…..yahoo!

Belinda xx

A Good Check-Up

HI everyone,

A quick chat about health today…

One of the things we know we should do and inevitably as busy mums/moms, neglect, is our health and keeping it monitored.
I want to encourage you to just do it. I have been putting it off and realised that it’s been 2 years since I did anything that was remotely related to looking after my body so I just went all out and did it.

I saw my GP and she checked for lumps in my boobs. I made an appointment to see the skin cancer clinic to get my moles checked out. I made a time for a pap smear and went and had blood tests. This week I’m going to get the results and will learn about my iron and cholesterol status, my blood sugar levels, my vitamin D status (if this is low we don’t absorb calcium properly) and my thyroid.

So there you go....there’s no lumps in places they shouldn’t be, my blood pressure is healthy and even though I’m confident my other tests will be fine, I’ll know for sure once it’s there in black and white. My GP and I had a good old chat about general health and I had the opportunity to chat about the kids and any little things that were niggling.

Now, if something does come up that needs addressing, I will have caught it at a time when hopefully it can be treated well and all will be fine. But I would hate to neglect my health and be told….Well if we’d just caught it earlier…

Your life is too valuable to gamble with…make an appointment and be proactive with your health today. Also, have a listen to our familyroom Podcasts where we cover essential health issues.

Lv Jane

Big Picture and the Small Details

I'm old enough to remember listening to American Top 40 with Casey Kasem. His signoff was always significant to me "Keep your feet on the ground, but keep reaching for the stars." It's a big tangential but related to this post. Because when you look down at your feet, it's not very far away, it's right beneath you. You can see the detail. When you reach for the stars though, it's expansive, limitless, and requires a telescope to see the details.

I told my wife the other day, after a particularly bad decision I made. Please regularly ask me these two questions:

1) Are you keeping the Big Picture in mind?
2) Do you know all the Small Details?

As it has been said, "You need to know where you are going, to figure out how you are going to get there." I'm good at the Big Picture. Projecting, framing, conceptualizing. I'm also pretty good at Small Details. The minutae, the legalese, the things that can trip you up. But I'm sometimes not so good at keeping those two in balance, and context. I can easily get lost in the visioneering, or bogged down in the small details. So I'm happy that I have a wife who will keep me accountable to these two questions, which really help me make decisions, and proceed with my everyday.

After all, its the daily decisions we make that have a cumulative effect of our life's outcome, in technicolor dynamic real-time.

So ask yourself the two questions I posed above and have a good think.

Philip

We All Grow Up Eventually

We All Grow Up Eventually

As most of you know, our family has been living in LA for the past while. We have loved our time here, it has been a great learning experience and we have met some extraordinary people. LA is full of diversity and truly gives expression to the vastness of humanity.

Throughout my time here I have come to know a great man who runs a business on the corner of our street. He’s a big man in stature and one of those kind eyed, teddy bear types. Yesterday I was in his shop and as usual we had a great conversation. He has a kind smile and always chooses his words wisely. You just know that he thinks deeply and considers things before saying them.

Over the months and through our many conversations I have always been curious about a certain tattoo he has on his left hand. I’m fascinated by what they call body art (tattoos) and the stories that go along with each permanent marking. Before you ask…..no I don’t have any myself!!!! I’m happy to leave that to others. Yesterday I decided to ask him what the sequence of numbers and letters meant. After asking, he paused and looked into the distance and said, “I haven’t always lived in a nice neighbourhood like this. My childhood and younger years were spent in some extremely rough areas of town.” I replied saying, “Enough said.” I knew my question had taken him to a dark place in his past that was riddled with experiences I have never known. I knew he was referring to his gang days. He chose to continue the conversation and he told me about bad choices he had made in his younger years. As he shared these stories I could see the pain written not only in ink on his body but in those kind eyes. He then began to tell me about the good choices he eventually started to make. His kind eyes met mine once again and he said, “We all grow up eventually.” I smiled and thanked him for sharing with me. I told him his story needed to be shared both to kids who are walking on the wrong side of right and to parents who’s hearts are breaking.

I left the shop with his words echoing in my mind, “We all grow up eventually.” A simple statement from a strong man who has probably seen more than I or even perhaps you can imagine. I thought his words needed to be shared to parents everywhere who hold concern in their heart for their children who are seemingly making wrong choices. Through this mans life be encouraged, keep loving and keep as close as possible because……We All Grow Up Eventually.

Susan xoxo

World's First Pregnant Man

I feel compelled to comment with regards to a story that seems to have engulfed the media of late concerning the pregnancy of a trans-gender called Thomas Beatie.

Being a father of three beautiful children I think I am qualified to reply to Thomas Beatie’s statement that says “It's not a male or female desire to have a child. It's a human desire,"

While this may be true and accurate it was my wife Belinda that conceived, nurtured and carried each of our children for the term of her pregnancy. It was also my wife who gave birth to each of our children, and here lies the problem, my wife has the reproductive organs that allow her to become pregnant and carry a child to term as a male I do not have the necessary organs to conceive or give birth to a child.

While I can sympathise with the plight of trans-gender people and not at all wanting to denigrate them in any way, a woman having her breasts surgically removed does not make her any less of a woman or a mother and further taking testosterone to cause her to become more masculine in appearance does not make her a man or a father.

I can honestly say at no time during any of Belinda’s pregnancies, did I feel a was missing out on one of life’s great moments because I was a man and biologically unable to carry our unborn child. After all I was there at conception and would be there for at birth. Sure there many nights I would fall asleep with my hand gently resting on Belinda’s beautiful baby bump, knowing there was another heart beating in the bed with us... a life we had both helped to create. I massaged her back when she had back aches ,rubbed her feet when her feet were swollen, made here cups of tea and even drove across twelve suburbs one Friday night to get here favourite food that she had craving. But not for one second did I have even the slightest desire to physically carry any of our children for the term of a pregnancy that’s the unique role of a mother.

So this got me thinking about what it is that makes a father and what it is that makes a mother. Having been a parent now for 13 years and specifically a father to my children, there are defiantly roles in parenting that are better suited to men as are the aspects that come more naturally to women. This is not to say one is more important than the other, or that each role can’t be adapted to either parent. I am sure there are many single parents both male and female who can confirm this to be the case. To these single parent I have the utmost respect and admiration for them... parenting is hard enough (at times) when there are two people involved let alone having to take on the role of being both mother and father to your children.

I know there have been countless times in this journey of parenthood were Belinda’s maternal instincts have allowed her to see things that well, basically as a father and a man, I failed to see. Things that are unique about being a mother, the nurturing and protection that a child longs for when they are ill or have stubbed a toe while out playing. Sure men can be the one to nurture in those times but it's the mothers seem so much more self sacrificing and is willing to sit up all night to nurse an ill child, etc. Likewise there are times I see things as a male and a father that are unique to being a father.

My eldest son has just entered his teenage years and my second son is not that far behind. I know this time is where I need to stand tall for my sons, puberty, adolescence and finally manhood is the journey we are on now. This is a precarious time in this modern world we live in, they need me to help them navigate their way through these waters. Sadly so many fathers today want to neglect this role and prefer to be a friend to their son’s, one who is always liked, always the cool dad who lets them do whatever they want.

I remember being told a story by my hairdresser (he’s a man by the way) that encapsulates the father-son relationship really well. When my hairdresser was 18 he brought a hotted up Nissan that went super fast ~ the kind you buy when you’re 6 ft tall and bullet proof. He took it home to show his dad however upon showing him he discovered that his father was disappointed. Disappointed for a reasons but one being because his son had purchased his first car without him. His father had hoped he could have gone with him ~ you know sort of a father and son thing.

His father tried to keep his disappointment from showing and asked for the keys so he could take it for a ‘spin’. During his drive thoughts ran through his mind, he had to deal with a number of things, firstly there was the joy of seeing his son walk independently and his new found freedom - something he had been trying to instil since he was a child. In the same moment he felt grief. Grief because this was a moment he thought they would share together. Plus frustration because his son had chosen a 'hotted up Nissan'. The father had to make a decision, would he get out of the car and say, “ Well done son, what a beast of a machine you have bought. You’re going to be popular with your friends. Here’s fifty bucks go fill her up!” Or, would it now be his time to be the self-sacrificing parent and step up to the role of being the father. Would he make the hard decision and risk be disliked by his son and put up with the silence and tension at home for a while? Upon returning from his quick ride his dad got out of the car and said, “Sell it!” The son replied, “But why?” To which his father replied, “Because I said I would help you buy a car, not a coffin!”

My hairdresser told me that after this he didn’t speak to his dad for 6 months. He said that, at the time, he hated him for the decision he had made. However with hindsight being 20/20 and he now being a 27 year old man, he confidently confesses that his father did the right thing. He knows that in that car, at that age, he would have killed himself or worse…..someone else.

In that moment my hairdressers father made a decision that would change their relationship forever. These two men they went from being close to being alienated and at odds with each other. There was tension when they were together and tension, as we all know, has the ability to affect other relationships within the family unit.

Why did his father make such a decision? It’s simple really. He was a son once and so he knew how his son thought, he made the tough decision because he had been where his son was. He knew the mind of a boy becoming a man. Like most fathers he had been at his sons conception and birth, he had watched his son grow and he knew that it he needed to step up to the plate and sacrifice and be the father his son needed ... he did it because he loved his son and needed to protect him.

I’ll leave the fathers with this question, what choice would you of made? Sometimes being a father means sacrificing our own feelings and desires for the good of the next generation... our children. Sometimes we need to operate from the father’s heart and perspective, which only becomes real when a boy becomes a man and a man becomes a father.

By the way my hairdresser and father have a great relationship now.

Mark