If you follow the news, you might have read the report about the American mum who has the nation in an uproar after allowing her nine-year-old son to ride solo on the New York subway and find his way home alone.
The story goes that Lenore Skenazy’s son Isaac pleaded for permission to go somewhere new and make his own way back. Eventually, his parents gave in to his requests and dropped him off with a map and $20 at a Manhattan department store a few kilometres from home. He travelled three stops on the subway and six stops on the bus, successfully getting back to his own front door.
Ms Skenazy, a columnist for the New York Sun, wrote an article about her son’s expedition but received such a backlash from members of the public that she was dubbed “America’s worst mum” by the media.
Reports in the US press said that she was berated by talk show viewers who claimed she had exposed her son to danger.
Ms Skenazy has now launched her own blog called freerangekids.com, where she discusses the topic of over-protective parenting. Through the site, she has received hundreds of supportive emails, and news sites in Australia debating the story have also seen plenty of positive feedback.
It seems Ms Skenazy has opened a massive can of worms with her experiment and subsequent article, but what are the rights and wrongs in this situation? What age is the right age for giving our youngsters greater freedom?
As children, many of us experienced the kind of freedom that today’s youngsters can only dream of and we generally escaped unscathed. As parents, we want to ease our children into independence but we are haunted by the possibility that it could all go horribly wrong if they find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I don’t know if our fears are grounded in reality or distorted by sensational media reports. Either way, I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Coincidentally, we recently allowed our 13-year-old son to catch the train alone in suburban Sydney. He travelled two stops and then walked 30 minutes home. He seems to have grown from the experience, although 13 is very different from 9.
Ultimately it comes down to the maturity, physical size and age of the individual child.
So what’s the answer? Are we being over-protective parents when we chauffeur our children everywhere or are we responsibly guaranteeing their safety?
I’d love to hear your feedback.
Deborah
5 comments:
This is so hard. I am currently going these issues with our kids as I work a few days a week and can't always rely on others to take them after school.
I don't think there are any easy answers and the people who had a go at the woman in the article had no right to as each child is different and we have to make and be responsible for our own decisions.
The one thing I do know for sure is that we have to follow our gut and if something doesn't feel right, don't do it!!!
Jane
This is such a contentious topic for all of us. Our children live childhoods so different to our own. My mother did not work outside the home and was always around. It was totally my parents decision how much freedom we were given.
Now days time and money influence many of our decisions. I agree with Jane, listen to that small voice of wisdom and follow it.
What do YOU think?
Annie
Thanks for your comments girls. It is a really difficult area. I think it comes down to the child's maturity and, as you say, your gut instincts about the situation and environment.
One area I get particularly anxious about is public toilets. There is no way my 13-year-old son wants me hanging around outside the loo waiting for him to come out, but I've heard such horror stories. I get very jumpy if he's in there for too long.
We definitely need wisdom when it comes to navigating these issues.
Deborah
This is a great article Deborah. It struck a chord with me as this is exactly what I am facing with a 13 year old girl who is not exactly street smart.
We live in a new city and are daily negotiating public transport. When leaving work one day I called my daughter and asked her if she felt confident enough to catch a train and meet me. After a deep breath, she said ok. I gave her strict instructions of where to meet up with me and made sure I was there first. Although my heart was in my throat the entire trip, I needed to allow her to up her confidence and independence. She arrived safely and was beaming from ear to ear at her new solo experience.
The key, I am finding, is to let her spread there wings within safe parameters that can be lengthened and shortened upon intuition. Easier said than done in today's world, but necessary for her confidence and indepedence...plus the addition of a mobile phone for her is working for us.
Michaela.
Also, on public toilets, I'm glad I have a girl so I can go in with her. It's a diffcult one with a boy as you say. I always encourage Mannie to go before we leave home, but that's not always going to work if you're out all day. I have on many occassions gone in ahead to 'check it out' or talked honestly with her about potential dangers on a level that doesn't freak her out. It is a hard one, but I'd love to hear what other parents think or have done in these situations.
Michaela.
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