Words for Life

Today, I’d like to write about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

Through our work with thefamilyroom, we get the opportunity to be quite involved in families and the dynamics that make up each individual family unit. I’m always fascinated to see and learn how people deal with issues and cope with life. Through our work, we try to help families move from coping and striving to living a family life that is thriving.

Something I have come to know and understand is that within our families (and beyond) we need to start using a few words on a regular basis that will bring healing, forgiveness, peace and so much more. These words have power – power that can diffuse situations, that can change attitudes and that can humble the hardest of hearts and minds. The words of life I’m referring to are I love you and I’m sorry.

Those few words have the ability to evoke emotion within each one of us. Even as we read them in this article, something deep within each one jumped. Imagine what they are able to achieve when spoken out to the appropriate person or situation. Hearing someone tell you that you are loved resonates within your soul. You are reminded that you matter and are cared for. Hearing someone say I’m sorry validates the pain or hurt you may feel, and then stepping from those words into forgiveness does so much more. Not a lot of work, but choices to be made.

These are very powerful and necessary words that need to be used within our families. Through these words, broken or damaged relationships can be restored, however it does require a humbling and softening within to reach a point where you can say them. Let’s be people who want and desire wholeness in our families, let’s be strong and confident, let’s face our fears, deal with our hurts and pain and put it behind us and move forward together in unity.

I hope my words today have challenged and inspired you to make a change for the better. You won’t regret it, but I know you will miss out if you don’t say I love you and I’m sorry more often.

Enjoy this week and remember to keep smiling.

Susan

For Fathers Everywhere

It's Father's Day in Australia this weekend and, as we at the Family Room are always looking for an excuse to celebrate the important people in our lives, we would like to honour dads everywhere with this beautiful story about a father and his son.

Enjoy!


The Pickle Jar

The pickle jar, as far back as I can remember, sat on the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom.

When he got ready f or bed, Dad would empty his pockets and toss his coins into the jar. As a small boy, I was always fascinated at the sounds the coins made as they were dropped into the jar. They landed with a merry jingle when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled.

I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the bedroom window. When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen table and roll the coins before taking them to the bank.

Taking the coins to the bank was always a big production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box, the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat of his old truck.

Each and every time, as we drove to the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. “Those coins are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son. You're going to do better than me. This old mill town's not going to hold you back.”

Also, each and every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would grin proudly, “These are for my son's college fund. He'll never work at the mill all his life like me.”

We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlour handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins nestled in his palm. “When we get home, we'll start filling the jar again.” He always let me drop the first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other. “You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters,” he said. “But you'll get there; I'll see to that.”

No matter how rough things got at home, Dad continued to doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to serve dried beans several times a week, not a single dime was taken from the jar.

To the contrary, as Dad looked across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans to make them more palatable, he became more determined than ever to make a way out for me. “When you finish college, Son,” he told me, his eyes glistening, “You'll never have to eat beans again – unless you want to.”

The years passed, and I finished college and took a job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents, I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and had been removed.

A lump rose in my throat as I stared at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never lectured me on the values of determination, perseverance and faith. The pickle jar had taught me all these virtues far more eloquently than the most flowery of words could have done. When I married, I told my wife, Susan, about the significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than anything else, how much my dad had loved me.

The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa, taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's arms. “She probably needs to be changed,” she said, carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper her. When Susan came back into the living room, there was a strange mist in her eyes.

She handed Jessica back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into the room. “Look,” she said softly, her eyes directing me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my amazement, there, as if it had never been removed, stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins. With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room. Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.

This truly touched my heart. I know it has yours as well. Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles that we forget to count our blessings. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life, for better or for worse.

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for good in others.

The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched - they must be felt with the heart ~ Helen Keller

Friendship

I was thinking the other day just how lucky I am to have a wonderful group of friends that I do life with.

The dictionary definition of friend or friendship is: “One attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard”.

One of my close friends, Annie, who is part of the Family Room, has had a really sick little boy in hospital for the past three weeks. She is amazing in the way she has managed to stay strong and confident whilst being very sleep deprived and worried.

Annie and her family are such givers, always helping others, and it was fantastic to see people coming alongside to do whatever was necessary to help them through this tough time.
Friendship is about standing beside in the time of need, having a cry or a laugh together and just knowing that you have someone you can call on anytime.

I have wonderful friends here in Australia and overseas and I consider myself so blessed, as not everyone can say that.

As you read this blog, can I encourage you that to get friends you need to be a friend? It really works. You start to build a community around you and you get so much out of it, just by giving of yourself.

Friendship is a journey that can take years to travel, but one which can last a lifetime.

Bea

Tips for being organised (Part 2)

We planned it, we scheduled it and now we’re making it happen – the second instalment in our tips for being organised series from special guest writer Julie Venables. This week, she rounds out the top ten with advice for multi-tasking, list-making and prioiritising.

Enjoy and be inspired!

6. Multi-task

When the thing you are doing doesn’t require much attention, then do something else at the same time. For example, if you are on a long train trip, take one of the books you’ve been meaning to read with you. If you are watching TV, then do the ironing at the same time, or bring out the laptop and research what’s on at the movies for when you meet with your friend on Saturday.

7. Keep track of your social calendar
Keep an eye on your diary and be aware of when you are free and when you have things on. This way you can schedule people in if they request the pleasure of your company, and you can feel confident that you won’t be letting anyone down by double-booking. It also makes it easier for scheduling more mundane tasks, like housework, since you know how much time you will be spending at home that week and will know, for instance, that you only have Thursday night to take care of the laundry, and so shouldn’t wait until Saturday, since you will be out all day. If planning an event, choose a date well ahead, so that you maximise the likelihood of a good number of people being available, and then email an invite as soon as you can. About four weeks before the event is good, and send a confirmation email about a week out to those who have RSVP’d.

8. Write lists

Do it because it feels good, and you deserve a treat after all this hard work! Also, it’s good for keeping track of what needs to be done. The best lists have a time limit on them, so that they don’t just sit there and never get done. The major exception to this is the “long-term to-do list”, see point 10.

9. Prioritise

If you’ve got a lot of stuff to take care of, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. So to feel like you are in control and can handle whatever task-load is in front of you, break it down into little parts and schedule everything in your diary. Then you will know that it will all be done, eventually – it’s just a matter of time. This means you can stop thinking about it constantly. Put the most important stuff first so that if you run out of time the other things can wait.

10. Maintain a long-term to-do list

This is for projects which will take longer than just a short amount of time (like putting the photos from a big overseas trip into an album), or can’t be done right now (like preparing your tax return since you are still waiting for paperwork from the bank). Work through each of these projects one at a time, and break them down into smaller tasks as required. For example, call the bank on Thursday to see when their tax statement will be sent.

Happy organising!

Julie

Today, the family room would like to welcome our new special guest writer Julie Venables. As one of the most organised people we know, Julie has agreed to share her top 10 tips for taming the chaos of a busy schedule. We’re sure you’ll be challenged and inspired by these first five pearls of wisdom. Be sure to check back next week for part two!

Tips for being organised (Part 1)

1. Just do it
If you think of something that needs to be done, and you are able to do it right there and then, then do it!

For example, I’ve just come home and opened the mail. One of the letters is a bank statement (which I make a habit of filing) so as soon as I’ve finished looking at it, I go to the filing cabinet and put it away immediately. Then it requires no further thought.

2. Just do it
Seriously, you’ll be amazed at how much you can achieve if you just do it now.

3. Schedule it
Ok, so sometimes there are times when it’s just not possible to do it now. Maybe because you’re not in the right place, or with the right person, or you don’t have the resources you need to get the job done right there and then. If that’s the case, then put it in your diary. Think about what is needed, and when is the earliest time you can make it happen, then write it down on the day you can do it. Be specific.

For example, it’s your turn to cook dinner on Monday night, and you decide, while at work on Friday, that you would like to make a soup, which takes a couple of hours to cook. Write in your diary that you need to look up the ingredients that night at 6pm (which is the earliest time you can get home to look at your cookbook), then write that you need to go grocery shopping at 10am on Saturday morning (which is the earliest you can leave the house, since you are expecting a phone call at 9.30am and need to put on a load of laundry before that).

Finally, schedule time to make the soup at 3pm on Sunday afternoon, which is early enough to finish the job before you go out at 6.50pm that night. You can’t cook it on Monday night itself, of course, since you only get home at 5.50pm, the soup takes 2 hours and people will be ready to eat at 6.30pm.

4. Reschedule it
If you genuinely can’t do it when you had planned to (for example, you have run out of time in the day), then reschedule it for another time – again be specific. Think about what day you can do it and at exactly what time.

5. Procrastination - Don’t let yourself get away with it
If you have something that you need to do, and you are feeling a bit tired and would rather leave it for tomorrow… well, too bad! Just do it, anyway. Don’t let yourself get away with not doing what’s on your list of things to do that day, and then indulge in feeling sorry for yourself the next day because you’ve realised that you have too much to do and not enough time. That wouldn’t have happened if you had spread the load a little and done some of it the day before.

Well, I hope these first five tips have got you thinking and have given you some fresh ideas for getting organised. I'll be back with another five next week.

Julie

What’s Your Age?

I’ve spent the last few weeks listening intently to the conversations surrounding oil prices and how it is affecting markets around the globe and our own back pockets. I have also spent some of my time listening to and reading articles that are discussing health issues and how we are stacking up in terms of our overall wellbeing.

After much reading and discussion, I thought I would share some of my findings with you. Through my research I discovered two websites that both host very quick but extremely informative online tests ~ one is a financial test and the other a health test. These tests draw very distinct lines showing some of the things we all see with our natural eyes. We all know people who are in their 40s but behave financially like they are in their 20s. Similarly we all know people who are in their 20s but look like they are in their 40s.

Recently, I was speaking at my sister’s women’s conference (Shine) and I shared one of these tests with the women there. I know many of them have since taken the test and have learned valuable information about themselves.

The first test I encourage you to take is the health test. It gives you a clear indication of where you are health-wise, and through the findings you are given great tips and ideas of how to increase your overall heath and well-being. This test is the longer of the two, but it’s well worth the minutes it takes to determine whether or not your health is age-appropriate or if there are things you need to address. For those of you who are familiar with the name Dr. Oz (from the Oprah show) this test is from him so you know it will be good. To find the test visit www.realage.com and follow the prompts.

The second test is What is your Financial Age. This test is extremely quick and asks very pointed questions that extract exact information that will determine your financial age. I found this test very interesting as it caused and reminded me to think about certain financial aspects of my life that tend to slip our minds. For the women at my sister’s conference I know this test was a good wake up call for some of them. To take this test simply visit www.myfinances.co.uk/financial-age-tool.

I know that these tests will provide you, like myself, with amazing information. I discovered that my real age was younger than I am and that my financial age is much older than my current age. All in all I scored pretty well, but as always I know that improvements can be made and I am now more aware than I was a few weeks ago. That is a good thing. Understanding our health and our finances helps us live stronger more confident lives. Who doesn’t want that? Jump online and take the tests and, if you want, drop me a line to let me know if it helped.

Susan

Pregnancy, Oestrogen and Women

Occasionally I find an email forwarded to my inbox that actually catches my attention and I get a giggle. Below is one such forward that I thought I MUST share with all of you. I know most of you will relate and will (probably) have a chuckle or two as well.

Enjoy!
Susan


PREGNANCY Q&A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?A: When the kids are in college.


10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE OESTROGEN ISSUES

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your mobile phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 0- 800-'.

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from outer space.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you only bought it yesterday.


TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND




10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.
8. Why beansprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Society’s safety net

It’s been a tough few weeks for families in Australia.

The news has been filled with heart-breaking stories of young lives blighted and even cut short, and while I’m sorry to sound gloomy, these reports have left me with a heavy heart.

In New South Wales, five children died in what appeared to be extreme cases of domestic distress and we’ve been shocked by police statistics evidencing a crime wave amongst kids still at primary school. In Adelaide, up to 21 neglected children were crammed into one house and in the nation’s capital Canberra, four children were found living in squalor and taken into care.

These are the sensational stories that fill the pages of our newspapers, but they reflect a segment of society where people are lonely, hurting and crying out for help – their desperation hidden behind closed doors.

But amidst the doom and gloom, an email landed in my inbox, bringing a ray of hope. The author spoke about community, urging me to see that in the grand plan of the universe, community was always intended to be the safety net. Society’s way of catching us when we fall, comforting us when we hurt, celebrating our joys and sharing in our grief. As we have retreated further and further behind our front doors, counsellors and psychologists have become our shoulders to cry on, where once we might have relied on a friend or neighbour.

The words in the email struck a chord. We need to sow into our communities and cultivate good relationships not only so that we can be there for others, but so that they can also be there in our tough times.

Over the years, dozens of news stories depicting tragic circumstances have drawn my attention. When some terrible event has hit a community, it’s common practice for newspaper reporters to knock on neighbours’ doors gathering information about the victims. Who were they, what were they like, what did they do? Too often, those neighbours will say: “We didn’t know them. They kept themselves to themselves.”

Let’s make an effort to never be people who keep ourselves to ourselves.

Deborah

Easy entertaining

I love having people over, my hubby does too, but he doesn't like to do ANY preparation or cleaning up! He would rather meet people for a meal out, or go to their house.

Now in his defence, I should say that this is because we are in a tiny little, albeit very lovely, home at the moment and he thinks it's impractical. Fair enough. But rather than being social hermits, I like to keep things simple and easy with a minimum of fuss while still being able to make guests feel special.

For pizza nights that are simple and easy, I usually make my own but if I'd rather be chatting to friends when they're here, I sometimes get good takeaway and make a big salad, with some french sticks in the oven with crushed garlic and butter (yummm) and a few bottles of cheap, organic Italian wine (favourite!). Because there's not much room, kids have a picnic on the floor and adults squash around the candlelit table and enjoy. Really easy and no pressure but great.

Last time we did this we had a box of Magnum minis and some mini gelato cups which we ate with coffee and it was perfect! Minimal cleaning and big fun. Great music playing or letting the kids and adults go nuts on the Wii is also very entertaining!

I also love having people for afternoon tea. I have a fave lemon cake (see recipe below) which is dead easy and I get out the white tablecloth and matching coffee cups (I do have a little OCD!). This can be so easy with a bunch of flowers in the middle and it's beautiful and special. A little bit of effort goes a long way. The plunger instead of instant, a pot instead of bags, homemade instead of bought, although bakery bought always looks good! Your personal touch and creativity makes people feel welcome and it doesn't have to be a big deal or stress out husbands.

Enjoy!
Lv Jane

Fave lemon cake

Ingredients

2 1/4 cups almond meal
3/4 cup caster sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
Grated rind of 1 lemon
1/2 cup yoghurt
4 eggs
1/2 cup sifted plain flour
2 tsp baking powder

Lemon syrup
Juice of 2 lemons
1/3 cup caster sugar
Grated rind of 1 lemon

Cooking instructions

Preheat oven to 180 and line base and sides of a 22cm cake pan with baking paper.
Beat eggs and sugar with an electric beater until pale.
Add yoghurt, oil and rind and beat well.
Fold in almond meal, flour and baking powder.
Pour into prepared pan and bake for 35-40 mins, until a skewer inserted comes out clean.
Turn out onto a platter.

To make the syrup, combine ingredients in a saucepan with a few spoons of water and stir on a low heat, until sugar dissolves.
Increase heat and bring to the boil.
Simmer until syrupy and pour over hot cake.

Love Thy Neighbour

As most of you know by now, our family recently moved to Wolseley in Saskatchewan, and we are enjoying our time here. I know that the experience of these months in Canada will travel with us for a lifetime.

Being an avid participant in and observer of life, plus someone who is passionate about building community and bringing people together, I’ve found the last few weeks to be extremely interesting. Upon our arrival in town, and having just unpacked our suitcases and belongings, I was more than happy to find a friendly face carrying two loaves of freshly baked bread, home-made jam and a warm welcome at my front door. Lori Perra, someone I have come to know and greatly enjoy, extended this welcome. Lori has a smile that can light up any room and a kindness of heart that is refreshing in this big old world.

Following our welcome from Lori, I found myself with my mother on the front lawn of one of our neighbours, Mrs Christianson. We were discussing spring days and the excitement of another Saskatchewan summer. During our conversation, this lovely 92-year-old woman welcomed us to Wolseley and upon learning of our three children quickly offered her babysitting services. I smiled and thanked her and thought how kind she was and how she remains ever ready to extend herself to another generation through kindness and generosity and good old neighbourly love.

A couple of days later, I again found myself answering the front door and another neighbour, Ruth Banbury, was there with a smile and freshly baked treats for our family to enjoy. Again, another warm welcome into the community.

Recently, I did some study and research on communities in North America and how they have changed and developed over the years. Interestingly enough, I found that in the 50s the front lawn and street in front of the homes was where life happened. Neighbours talked and shared in each other’s lives. As the years progressed, change slipped in and before long the backyard became our place of refuge. Decks were built off the back of the homes, fences went up around properties creating barriers and privacy, our front lawns and streets which were once home to activity became quiet passageways backed by front windows with drawn curtains. Sadly, the neighbourhood experience began to drain.

I believe we are coming back to that place of sharing and caring. We’ve discovered that we haven’t been designed to live this life alone rather we are placed in our communities to be part of something bigger than our own little families and ourselves. So thank you Lori, Mrs Christiansen, Mrs Banbury and others who have warmly welcomed us to this neighbourhood, thank you for setting excellent examples to be followed. Thank you for sharing the truth of loving thy neighbour.

This week and going forward why don’t we all extend ourselves just a little further and be the change we want to see in our neighbourhoods, our communities and in this world.

Susan

Revisiting the Past

The other night hubby was working late, it was 5pm and I had nothing thought out for dinner. The natives (my children) were getting restless, their tummies were rumbling and the clock was ticking. I must have opened the fridge and cupboard doors five or six times looking aimlessly at the contents of each. I felt like I finally understood Mother Hubbard’s dilemma.

Finally, like a lightening bolt, inspiration hit and I was on a mission. I remembered the Salmon Casserole, from my childhood, I had cooked years ago that sadly never became a family favourite. I thought it a perfect opportunity to revisit this recipe and perhaps save the night. Much to my surprise when my three children discovered what we were having for dinner they all sang out, “Yay, we haven’t had this for years. We love this salmon casserole. Mum why haven’t you made it for us?”

The anticipation for dinner was extraordinary. I didn’t realise that this was something they liked. I guess when I made it they were all too little to really tell me how much they enjoyed it. Once dinner hit the table it was gobbled up and the discussion surrounded the casserole and how it definitely fell on the ‘family favourite’ list. That being said it is a recipe that must be shared through thefamilyroom. It is now, and I guess always was, tried and true, it’s extremely healthy and budget conscious and best of all you can make it your own.

Salmon Casserole (or Tuna whatever your preference)

Preheat Oven: 350 (Gas 175)
Cooking Time: 1 hour (there abouts)
Pan Size: Medium Casserole
Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:
2 cups cooked salmon (tuna) or 14 oz tin, drained
2 cups coarse bread crumbs (I use whole wheat or whole wheat crackers – whatever you have available will work)
2 T finely chopped onions (I’m a little more generous here)
2 T chopped green or red pepper or both
½ tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
2 eggs
¼ cup milk
2 T ketchup (approx. maybe a squeeze more)

Method:
Mix together lightly the first six ingredients. Beat eggs slightly and stir in milk and ketchup; add to salmon mixture and mix lightly. Turn into baking dish and bake.

** You can easily make this recipe your own by adding other vegetables to it. It’s a great healthy alternative that tastes great. I serve it with a side salad and a vegetable; let the kids add a little extra squeeze of ketchup and dinner is served.

Enjoy!
Susan

The Message of Your Life

Today we welcome back our special guest writer Philip Sohn. His inspiration for this blog comes from Randy Pausch, the university professor and best-selling author who achieved worldwide fame for his “Last lecture” speech. After being diagnosed with terminal cancer, Randy gave the speech, entitled “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” in September 2007. It immediately became an internet hit and was viewed more than one million times in the first month. Soon after, Randy appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and recapped his speech for millions of TV viewers.

Over to Philip ....

Many of you will have heard from Randy Pausch. I must have been living in a cave when all that broke, on YouTube, Oprah etc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Well check it out yourself......

A good many years ago I did a branding project for a company. For it, I interviewed key management and one of the questions was:

If you had 5 minutes, in a stadium of 100,000, and with 5 billion watching on TV, what would you say/do? What would be your message?

Randy Pausch had over an hour to give his last lecture. And the power of YouTube and Oprah to boot.

Most of us will not have such an audience to tell our message … but we have our LIFETIME to live it.

What is your message? Are you living it? What a very challenging question.

To be super honest, right now, I don't really think I'm living it … I'm not even sure I know it, in detail enough to frame it and express it to you.

Let's learn our message. Live our message. I'm sure it's bigger than how you are living now.

Philip

Challenging Chores

Chores and children can be a challenging combination in our household.

Too often lately a simple request to set the table for dinner or grab a cloth and wipe the dishes has been greeted by a pout Paris Hilton would be proud of and the task itself has been executed with the dramatic tension of a Hollywood thriller.

Basically, I’ve let things slide. I haven’t been firm enough in making sure the kids know they are part of a team where everyone chips in to keep the wheels turning smoothly.

Recently, two people in my life brought me to my senses. Don’t get me wrong, they didn’t say anything – it was just through their words and actions I came to realise that my own kids could maybe show a bit more enthusiasm for domestic duties.

One was a colleague. Our formative years in similar English societies are a frequent topic of office conversation. He was raised in a family of seven children where everyone helped out – and probably kept mum sane in the process! Saturday mornings were a frenzy of activity as each child threw themselves into their allotted task, scrubbing, sweeping and dusting the house to gleaming perfection.

The second champion of the chores was my 22-year-old niece. During a recent four-week stay she turned out to be the dream house guest, leaping to assist each time anyone washed a dish or peeled a potato. Twice I came home from work to find she had conquered the four mountainous baskets of ironing which had been growing out of control in the laundry. My sister must have taught her well.

Now, I’m not a slave driver and I want our home to be a haven not a workhouse, but I do expect the kids to do their bit. Bedrooms need to be kept clean and tidy not decorated with discarded clothes, and when weeds are threatening to engulf the garden, I do need some help in taming the wilderness.

So we’ve rung the changes recently. Everyone’s getting cheerfully stuck into the chores and long faces are not allowed. When we’re done, there’s more time for everyone to have fun. And, fingers crossed, it’s working. The other day, my youngest set the table without being asked and when I started the dishes, she was right there by my side. Just this morning, I heard my eldest son ask everyone to clear their breakfast stuff away before rushing out of the room.

I hope it lasts!
Deborah

Intuition – Are You Listening?

Intuition (in•tu•i•tion), n. direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension.

That’s the dictionary definition of intuition. We’ve all experienced it, we’ve all acted on it and most of us have, at times, sadly ignored it.

Personally, I consider intuition to be the God whisper. It is a knowing that must come from somewhere. At times it can stop you in your tracks and you just know that you know something. I truly believe warnings, perception of truth and fact must come from a higher place that our ‘gut’.

Like you, I have been aware and have experienced intuition my entire life. I remember as a child a certain knowing that something wasn’t just right. As a young adult making wrong choices and feeling intuition step in. I know I have been saved from countless situations because I listened and acted. I also know that there are situations I could have been saved from if I had only listened. One such instance happened when my eldest daughter was three years old. I was leaving for work one morning and as I walked out the front door it hit me. This knowing that I needed to tell the babysitter not to take her horse riding that day. I shrugged my shoulders and thought how silly, she never goes horse riding with the babysitter. All day I sat at work and the same message kept plaguing my mind, again and again I ignored that perception of truth and fact – the God whisper. At 3pm that afternoon I answered my phone at work, only to hear the panicked voice of my babysitter. She had taken my daughter on an adventure ... to see her sister’s horse. They put my daughter on the horse; the horse spooked and fell directly on my three-year-old. She was rushed to emergency, falling in and out of consciousness. Thankfully, all the tests showed there was nothing wrong, however strangely enough she was unable to walk. It was three weeks, multiple tests and much prayer before she took another step and eventually walked again. Intuition – the direct perception of truth, fact, independent of any reasoning process. Definitely something worth listening to.

Just the other day, my mum and I were working at home, the kids ran in from outside asking if they could go to the park. They desperately wanted to take my three-year-old. Intuition struck and I stopped in my tracks. I just knew that I knew something. My mum heard me telling the children that they could go and that our three-year-old was allowed to go with them, however I gave strict instructions of what she could and couldn’t play on or do at the park (the children questioned what in fact she could go on since my list was so long). I told them to be careful and I reminded my eldest that I needed her to be extremely attentive to her little sister. She knew exactly what I meant because I’ve explained this knowing in the past.

About 20 minutes after their departure my mum and I heard the call, “Auntie Susan, Auntie Susan, Ella’s head’s bleeding.” At the first Auntie Susan, I knew. According to all credible witnesses the seesaw had come crashing down on her head and something went through the skin creating a ‘hole in her head’. We took her to the hospital, got her glued up and she is good as new. Thankfully the accident was minor.

Who knows what was ahead of her that day. Who knows if the accident could have been greater? All I know is that I chose to stop and listen when I felt that immediate apprehension. I encourage you to listen, to be wise and to allow that knowing within you to guide you when it stands up and commands your attention. We have been given intuition as an internal guide and usually in terms of our safety.

Parents of seniors graduating this year…listen.

Parents of young children….listen.

Parents of children any age….listen.

Individuals…. listen.

Let’s all allow this internal guide to assist us as we walk through life.

Susan

Free-range kids

If you follow the news, you might have read the report about the American mum who has the nation in an uproar after allowing her nine-year-old son to ride solo on the New York subway and find his way home alone.

The story goes that Lenore Skenazy’s son Isaac pleaded for permission to go somewhere new and make his own way back. Eventually, his parents gave in to his requests and dropped him off with a map and $20 at a Manhattan department store a few kilometres from home. He travelled three stops on the subway and six stops on the bus, successfully getting back to his own front door.

Ms Skenazy, a columnist for the New York Sun, wrote an article about her son’s expedition but received such a backlash from members of the public that she was dubbed “America’s worst mum” by the media.

Reports in the US press said that she was berated by talk show viewers who claimed she had exposed her son to danger.

Ms Skenazy has now launched her own blog called freerangekids.com, where she discusses the topic of over-protective parenting. Through the site, she has received hundreds of supportive emails, and news sites in Australia debating the story have also seen plenty of positive feedback.

It seems Ms Skenazy has opened a massive can of worms with her experiment and subsequent article, but what are the rights and wrongs in this situation? What age is the right age for giving our youngsters greater freedom?

As children, many of us experienced the kind of freedom that today’s youngsters can only dream of and we generally escaped unscathed. As parents, we want to ease our children into independence but we are haunted by the possibility that it could all go horribly wrong if they find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I don’t know if our fears are grounded in reality or distorted by sensational media reports. Either way, I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Coincidentally, we recently allowed our 13-year-old son to catch the train alone in suburban Sydney. He travelled two stops and then walked 30 minutes home. He seems to have grown from the experience, although 13 is very different from 9.

Ultimately it comes down to the maturity, physical size and age of the individual child.

So what’s the answer? Are we being over-protective parents when we chauffeur our children everywhere or are we responsibly guaranteeing their safety?

I’d love to hear your feedback.

Deborah

Teeth, Teeth, Glorious Teeth

The other week, my 13-year-old niece Brianna had a sore tooth. I asked if I could have a look and to my amazement she had a massive cavity in her back tooth.

Brianna’s mum, my twin sister, is doing it tough right now. She has four children, aged 20, 13, 12 and 10, and is fighting breast cancer. Her marriage dissolved just before she was diagnosed about five years ago.

My kids, who are 13, 11 and 9, are close to their cousins but live very different lives. I suppose they just haven’t had to go through so many trials in their short lives. It’s very sad for me to see as I love my sister’s children dearly.
Brianna hasn’t visited a dentist since she was four, which isn’t uncommon in some families as it’s not always something people can afford. My husband and I made a decision to take our kids to the dentist regularly, every six months, which I believe teaches them to look after their teeth themselves later in life.

As parents, we have the job of training up our kids for their adult lives. Teaching them general hygiene is just one of those jobs. This doesn’t guarantee you won’t get holes in your teeth, but we need to try to prevent it from happening if possible.
My sister rang the local dentist, who sees patients through the Government’s Medicare scheme, but she couldn’t get an appointment for weeks as the waiting lists were long.

My husband and I decided that we would take Brianna to our dentist because she was in such intense pain and we didn’t want the hole to get any bigger, or worse still risk the possibility of a more invasive and painful dental procedure. So I booked the appointment and off we went. The dentist was very caring as Brianna was very nervous.

I’m telling this story to help other parents teach their kids to be diligent in cleaning their teeth. We only get one final set and I know that sometimes even though we tell our kids to clean their teeth they still don’t. Hang in there and they will thank you later in life!

Teaching our kids is so important. We don’t always get it right, but we are the main influence in their lives and they watch our every move.

I may be talking specifically about teeth today, but teaching our kids to shower and instilling general hygiene is vital. Don’t go nuts if they forget to clean their teeth for one day, but do be like a broken record and drill it into them. Be consistent. Make sure they clean their teeth at least once a day, even if they hate it, there’ll be less chance for those cavities to form.

Brianna is going great guns now and has a new challenge in her young life. She has learned that her teeth are precious and that she must brush them regularly and look after them if she wants to keep them for the rest of her life.

Belinda xx

Know Thyself

I discovered an old journal the other day in which I found a list.

The list contained all of my positive attributes and it was written by yours truly. I had been reading a book at the time that encouraged the recording of ones strengths. I recall it being quite a challenging exercise.

We live in a society where to think too highly of ones self is considered egocentric. In fact to know yourself and see yourself in a positive light actually frees you from being self-focused.

We generally are so caught up in what is “wrong” with us we can’t see those around us who would benefit from what is right with us.

I encourage you to take pen in hand and write down the characteristics you have been blessed with. Include physical, personality traits, talents and gifts. It may be a warm smile or you are good with money. Maybe you are a great listener and cook a mean lasagna.

Aim for twenty, this really makes you look past the obvious and delve into areas you may never have even considered. Have fun and if you like ask friends and family to help. It’s nice to have a list like this for days when you need a little reminder!

Annie

Speaking Fluent Internet ...

A while ago, a particular phone conversation with my mum was a ‘challenge’. After fruitless explanations over the phone, I drove around to my mum’s house to sit with her at their PC to teach her how to attach a Word document to an email. After silently asking myself why on earth they have a computer in the first place, the exercise was a success. My mum can now type and send letters via email to her heart’s content.

Driving home I realised how much I could teach my mum when it was only in my late teens that I actually learned to use a computer. Yes, I now have 20 years of computer experience under my belt, yet to me it feels like a new language that I studied as an adult. I still don’t have the right accent, I can’t necessarily determine different dialects and I can’t talk as fast as a native. Natives, of course, being those who were taught from infancy. This is the case with my daughter.

With computers being an integral part of learning, as much as English and maths, it’s hard not to feel like you are always lagging sluggishly behind the natives. That’s how my mother felt today and that’s how I sometimes feel when my daughter spouts ‘computer speak’ that I never learned in school (but of course she doesn’t know that!).

Susan wrote a very good blog titled Zero Tolerance in May last year. As she says, it is essential to know and understand the culture that our children are growing up in. Like the language barrier in a new country, with computer literacy you can often miss verbal transactions if you’re not fluent or at least one step ahead, especially when the internet is thrown into the mix. A parent’s primary role is to love, feed and shelter absolutely, but it is also to lead. If we do not understand what they are learning or the pace at which they are learning, how can we lead and guide them smartly and safely through the internet labyrinth.

Have a read of Susan’s blog Zero Tolerance and polish up on your computer skills. Yes, I know, I can hear you groaning, but a little hard stretch now can save you a big snap later.

Michaela

Outside the comfort zone

In a remote Indonesian village lives a man named Dede whose hands and feet have grown to resemble tree roots.

A rare skin disease causes them to appear tough and woody like the gnarled bark of a weathered trunk, and they have stretched to the size of dinner plates, twisting and splitting as they go. As hands and feet, they are unrecognisable.

The growths started after Dede cut himself in the jungle when he was 15 years old. Now in his thirties, he bears the daily burden of his deformity and the growths, which are caused by a wart virus, are spreading rapidly up his arms and legs, across his body and all over his face.

Dede’s wife left him and their two teenage children long ago and without a chance of real employment he finds work as a circus attraction, travelling with five others whose lives have been blighted by disfigurement.

Word of Dede’s plight reaches a doctor in America who travels across the world to examine him. He discovers Dede has a rare immune deficiency which allows the warts to grow out of control. But for the first time there is a glimmer of hope. He can treat the immunity condition and most of Dede’s warts will miraculously disappear. Dede will be able to work again and lead a normal life with his children.

But Dede astounds the doctor by refusing treatment. He chooses to stay with the travelling circus. The tried and trusted. The familiar. He turns his back on the lifeline he has been thrown.

For most of us, Dede’s choice is inconceivable. Who knows whether culture, superstition or financial incentives have driven his decision. Or is it just maybe that Dede has grown accustomed to his plight. His disease, however debilitating, is familiar. Stepping outside of the comfort zone is too risky, too dangerous.

Like Dede we all have our comfort zones. Areas in our lives that we feel safe with and even endure because we know that to step beyond them would be challenging, scary even.

I look at my own life and instantly see many comfort zones. Others might not recognise them as such, but I know they are self-imposed limits or boundaries.

Maybe it’s time to step outside. As the saying goes:

The best discoveries are made outside your comfort zone!

Deborah

A Hug A Day …

I heard on the radio yesterday that parents are getting so busy with “life” they are neglecting some of the basic needs of their children. Hugging them was one of the needs mentioned.

It made me stop and think about how much I hug my kids. Of the three, I hug the five-year-old the most. He’s very cute and I love to hug him. My nine-year-old daughter loves a cuddle and she always gets a big hug when I see her in the morning. My 12-year-old son, however, definitely misses out.

When I examine the reasons for this, nothing jumps out at me, but what I do know is that he needs to be hugged. The research shows that hugging is imperative for a child’s physical, emotional and social development.

Scientists have discovered that hugging releases endorphins into our bodies – the happy hormones that boost our sense of well-being. In fact, hugging is so important there are even hug therapy courses you can take to help in the treatment of pain, depression and anxiety.

If you are a hugger, I applaud you. It comes more naturally for some of us than others. If, like me, you see a deficit in this area of your parenting, I encourage you to hug your children at least once every day and see what unfolds!

Annie