Parenting with the End in Mind

Hi everyone I hope 2008 is proving to be good to you so far.

Thus far 08 has been unexpected, crazy and great for us as a family. I feel like I’ve strapped on my seatbel and am preparing for the ride! In the midst of this new season I’ve found myself thinking about thefamilyroom, our personal lives and why we care so much about raising great kids, having great marriages and family relationships, or why we would even bother to get on with our neighbours and community (thinking about things beyond the obvious reasons of WHY).

I've come to the conclusion that without a foundation or a reason to work hard at building full lives, it can all become all too hard and we can too easily give in and take the easy road. I have to admit, as a mother of two and a wife, at times it truly is easier to give in to whining or to make a sarcastic comment to your hubby or to simply give the silent treatment and stay there for as long as you can. This is why I believe a foundation with reason is necessary. As Susan always says, “explain the why behind the what.”

I’m currently reading a pretty intense book that was given to me for Christmas. The book is called ‘Parenting for a Peaceful World’. It’s not so much about parenting as it is about why we parent the way we do. It looks at the way people have parented through the ages and how that has brought us today. It shows generations of people both functional and dysfunctional and my gosh so much more.

It is proving to be an interesting read and is challenging some of my thinking. Although I don’t agree with everything written and find it a bit over the top at times, what I have found very interesting is that it has made me go back to basics and think about why I bother to do the things I do. It’s made me think about things like:

What motivates me to be a great mum, wife, friend, and daughter?
Sometimes love isn’t enough….we are innately selfish beings?
Love is often a choice rather than a force or a feeling.

Through this thought pattern and questioning I have learned that I choose to love because I have a foundational belief that my life is bigger than just me. I choose to do the hard things (mostly), work out conflicts and follow through with discipline because I have a goal and purpose. I want to look back on my life and feel that I have been true to my goals and my dreams. An example of this is that I dream of having great adult relationships with my kids. I want to stay close to them, so I need to parent with the end in mind. This thought and dream helps me get through those hard days/moments.

With the above in mind I will throw out a few questions today and hopefully inspire your thinking as well:

What are your beliefs?
What are your goals and dreams for your family and the other significant relationships in your life?
How will you parent/relate to these people to achieve that end?

We’re all on an incredibly journey; I just think the ride is and can be a little easier if we know where we’re going (the general direction anyway) and how we’re going to get there, at least the bigger picture.

We would love to hear some of your goals and dreams for your family (where ever you are on this journey) and how you’re going to get there…any tips along the way are always welcome!

Have a great week
Lv Jane