The Gift of Time

You've read articles I've written discussing time and the age old question of quality vs quantity. I remain convinced that it isn't one or the other, rather it's a combination of both that gives richness to relationships.

The other night, my eldest daughter was at dance, my youngest daughter, Ella, had fallen asleep in the car, which left my seven-year-old son, Gabriel, and I with 1.5 hours on our hands. We decided to let Ella continue sleeping in her stroller while we enjoyed an early dinner together, just the two of us. A good decision indeed.

The occasional interruption from the waitress was my only distraction. Gabriel had my attention 100%. I was fascinated to learn about what was truly was going on in his little life. He shared about the fun stuff, the not so fun, the questions, a few confessions of a little harmless mischief and his overall excitement about life. I was gobbling up every moment and loved listening to him. My husband and I make it a priority to spend one-on-one time with all three of our children. This gives us the opportunity to really hear them and to let them know they are being heard. I think it's important to give each child regular, undivided attention. It's the only way to get a full understanding of what's really going on in their lives.

Our conversation moved from school to friends, to sport, to family and then bounced to the bigger picture of life. Remember, my son is only seven years old. He's well travelled for a young man, he enjoys reading and he loves to explore and has an adventurous spirit. As he was sharing his life hopes and curiosities, he asked me: "Mummy, what do you think I was born to be?"

His question caught me by surprise. I looked at him and wondered what must be going on in that mind of his. I marvelled at his question. He wasn't wondering what he would do, rather he was wondering who he would BE in this world. Before I could answer, he continued by saying: "I wonder what God wants of me." You can imagine the fullness in my heart as I listened intently to my child asking questions beyond his years.

I responded by saying: "Gabriel, if I know one thing, I know that there is a plan and purpose for your life. I know that you were born to do something amazing on this planet my son. Listen with your heart, be moved by compassion, love deeply and stay true to the things you know are right."

Did my answer suffice? I'm not sure. Was it a bigger answer than expected? Probably, but the door for further conversation has now been opened. I didn't miss the moment. We were enjoying both quality and quantity time together, allowing us to connect on a deeper level than the day-to-day rush we all experience.

We continued chatting and devouring the yummy food we had ordered. We began to talk about places we would like to go and things we would like do. I asked him where he would go if he could choose to go anywhere. I was expecting Disney World or somewhere in search of anything Star Wars related. Instead his response: "Heaven. I'd like to introduce myself to God. I know he already knows me, but I'd just like to let him know I'm here and happy to be here. It's just somewhere I'd like to visit and then come back. I just want to see."

My breath was once again taken away and, again, before I could respond, he said: "I'd also like to go to Holland, my friend told me about a cheese festival they have and it sounds really neat." I laughed and said: "Both sound great." The mind of a seven-year-old boy can never be underestimated.

Our children are thinking about things beyond their years. They are exposed to things earlier than we ever were and, more than ever, they need our guidance. They need our listening ear and they are desperate for understanding. Know that if we don't listen, they will find someone else who will. I don't know about you, but I'm not prepared to take that risk and allow someone else access into my children's lives. This job is solely for my husband and I and we choose to make quality and quantity time available to them.

Enjoy your children whatever age they are, and know that they need you even when (at times) they push you away.

Susan