So often we hear amazing stories of how many parents gave up so much to provide for their children. Being 1 of 9, I have seen this first hand a million times over. My parents gave up so many material things to see us all feed well, clothed well, sheltered well, schooled well and launched well. I will never cease to see them with a slight halo perched on their heads.
I was reminded again of their constant sacrifice recently when my daughter came back from a weekend at her father’s house, which is a new move in our family’s dance. I was naturally happy for her to be spending this time with him and his family. I knew she would return home full of excitement and stories, but I wasn’t prepared for her not missing me.
That’s right…she didn’t miss me! What?! I am her mother for heaven’s sake… I gave birth to her and raised her alone and she professes to not miss me? I have relatively thick skin, but this hurt. This was my baby spreading her wings. Ouch!
Whilst listening to her stories of obvious delight, I kept hearing my mother’s advice to me pounding in my head…“parenting is not about you dear”. I could have easily responded to my daughter with ever so sweet manipulation, reminding her of the fact that I was her mother (as if she had forgotten!) or that I had missed her the entire weekend, but instead I chose to swallow my hurt to allow her to be free and uninterrupted in her happiness. Allowing my insecurities to taint her joy would never be fair. It was only at this moment that I truly felt that I had sacrificed as a parent.
The more affordable home, the less expensive shoes, the fewer overseas trips, the nights in rather than out, etc….these are only material and often pre-warned or expected things for parents. This new sacrifice for my daughter winded me without warning. I am so glad I chose to listen to my mum’s advice at that moment that otherwise could have hurt us both. She was truly free to rave about her father and her time with him – guilt free and all smiles. After all, it’s actually not about me when it comes to her.
Michaela
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
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2 comments:
Michaela,
You are such a wonderful parent.
Over the past couple of months I've come to realize how much my parents have put themselves aside to ensure my siblings and I have had the most comfortable enjoyable life possible.
My hope is that your generation will teach my generation to do the same when we have children!
~cj
xoxox
Good on you Michaela. It is hard to keep your mounth closed when it wants to start reminding people who we are in their lives isnt it? We grow stronger when we realise we can do without the talk and allow our children to live freely no matter how free we do or do not feel. They will cherish our great parenting skills and our unconditional love later in their lives like you cherish your parents. I certainly do too.
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